As a child I praised Pepsi-Cola and became a loyal imbiber of its namesake cola product. Under its intoxicating carbonated water, I viewed Coca-Cola as the evil soft drink. I could plainly see the devil disguised in the red can on television commercials tempting my family and friends to taste of its ingredients that can shine a penny and take rust off an automobile. As a child, I witnessed Coca-Cola dominating the cola advertising campaign. Because of that, I was a Pepsi-drinking minority and no one liked me for what I drank. "Why don't you have a Coke?" they asked. They sounded just like the devil on the television screen.
"No!" I yelled and I knew that the people of Pepsico smiled upon me. I put two quarters in the vending machine and, without hesitation, I pushed the Pepsi button. My friends watched in disgust. They couldn't tempt me into their Coke drinking ways. I even learned that Coca-Cola put cocaine in their soft drink during the turn of the century. Downright evil, I thought. Those Coca-Cola distributors probably aren't ashamed of that fact. They possibly even try to get past the Food and Drug Administration by putting small traces of the narcotic in each can or bottle.
The Nineties came into being, and Pepsi's "new generation" campaign grew old. Pepsi's new generation was the generation of the 1980s, my generation. To get a grip on the new youngsters, they changed their commercials. Assuming we were all hooked, they didn't want anything to do with me and my generation anymore. I felt betrayed. I see the betrayal on all the new Pepsi cans with the name brand imprinted vertically. Was I too hip for the "new generation?" I am not a square. In fact, I was a Pepsi junkie up until college. I begged for Pepsi's attention, but they kept aiming at the new kids on the block. What about me?
All of a sudden, I realized a dramatic change in Pepsi's taste! It was sweeter! Too sweet! It gave me a headache. I gave away the rest of my Pepsi the Cube to my roommate and my friends. Pepsi disgusted me again, but this time it was physical. With a little hope left in me, I thought the company may have accidentally put too much high fructose corn syrup in my Pepsi the Cube. With that thought, I ran downstairs and put two quarters in the vending machine to prove myself wrong. Pepsi sucks!
Now I see too many Pepsi commercials, and they freak me out. The world will not be a happy place when everyone on the block gets merchandise from the Pepsi Stuff magazine. I don't even want to talk about Mountain Dew.
* *
I began my boycott at the end of the first decade of my life. Since then I've been a healthy (pre-)adolescent and adult. Because of my absence from every single location of America's favorite fast food chain, my digestive tract has worked in the right direction: from the mouth to the posterior. Stomach acid flavors and sudden changes in digestive flow were no longer parts of my life. The golden arches have served billions and billions, but how many of those numbers never return? I only know of one, it is myself.
McDonald's doesn't give a damn about me. Why should I protest with such a stubborn boycott? It's not much of a protest anymore; instead it's a health choice. The last foodstuff my stomach ever refused was a Big Mac. And before that, the grotesque item was a Fishwich. As I write this, nausea permeates from my memory cells. Simply put, I don't eat McDonald's stuff anymore and I don't vomit anymore.
My consequential life decision didn't affect my family much. My mother also dreaded consuming greases and creams from the McDonald's kitchen. My father could care less about the place; all he wanted from them was their coffee and free use of their lavatory. If there are some incurable skeptics out there, I must admit I still use McDonald's, but it's to complete my digestive process. Otherwise Ronald McDonald can keep his concoctions, consumables and advertisements away from my appetite.
Since almost every money maker recognizes McDonald's success, my fast food alternatives are plentiful. Most other fast food chains have irritated my stomach, but not enough that it had zero tolerance. Around the time I began the boycott, a Whopper made me a bit queazy. Burger King likes to slop as much mayonnaise on their Whoppers as possible, and too much mayonnaise is always the culprit to upset my stomach.
I've known Taco Bell to be under much fire of making people sick. Almost all Taco Bells have pleased me; the only exception being the one located in Beloit. To stop my discomfort from Beloit's Taco Bell, I had to ingest some Pepto-Bismol. I loved the flavor of original chewable Pepto-Bismol, but I don't think they make it like that anymore. I always wanted Pepto-Bismol to make licorice with that chalky flavor. It kind of tastes like white jellybeans. Some may think I'm a bit awkward when it comes to food because of my aversion to McDonald's and my proclivity for chalky medicine. Is it bold for me to admit I have a taste that does not agree with corporate America? No.
Many privileged people live their lives without succumbing to the on-the-go conveniently-placed fast food eatery. Some of them even pinch their noses as the breezes blow the aroma of greasy grills into their estates. They wouldn't have it: the aroma or the distasteful food. Obviously I am not one of these stereotypes, but I do share their repulsion towards the symbolism of the golden arches.
Understanding that it does make many people happy, I do not protest their patronage to McDonald's. I see the glimmer in the eyes of friends who see the 59 cent hamburger flashed on the television screen. Sometimes I can feel their jealousy towards the man chomping on the Big Mac. That makes me squeamish as well, but it makes others hungry. What most enrages me is when one friend says, "I could really go for one of those right now," and the rest of my friends hungrily follow. It enrages me because they make me the devil. They think, "He's the one who cannot eat of the food of golden arches given by the capitalist God."
This stipulation is all propaganda against the phenomenal images of prime satisfaction found intermittently between everybody's favorite sitcom and along the highway to everybody's favorite vacation resort. And I most sincerely apologize for stopping anyone who must benefit from the genuine taste of McDonald's.
To inform those who do not understand why they relish the taste of a McDonald's burger, I will present a possible reason. That reason may be the 30% filler McDonald's is allowed to use. Most of McDonald's burger competitors use soybean as their filler but according to a friend who research fast food meat products and their fillers, McDonald's concludes their 70% beef hamburgers with mealworm. I've seen mealworms before. I had a friend who fed his pet crayfish mealworms, the shriveled orange things. The taste of McDonald's is essentially genuine. My friend, Becky Cooper*, did not find any other place that used mealworm as their filler. I applaud McDonald's for its unique filler and the many people who keep coming back for its taste.
*Becky Cooper is indeed the same person as I mentioned in my Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-Seven paper. She conducted this research at the dawning of her vegetarian lifestyle. The way she got her information was going to each fast food chain in Kenosha, WI and asking what was in their burger. Most places cooperated with her, but McDonald's did not. All the employees had no idea what was in the burgers they served. She went to the manager, who gave her a difficult time saying it was not her business to know. She was persistent, and the manager confessed to the 30% mealworm filler. How about them apples!
* * *
"Fun equals video games," says the mind of Jeremy at the age of thirteen. The body of Jeremy at the age of thirteen has eyes suitably adjusted for the television screen and thumbs well blistered from pushing the Nintendo buttons. The mind occasionally dreams of Jeremy running through a two-dimensional world full of vines to climb and waterfalls to avoid. The body prefers the sedentary sports on the carpeted floor of Jeremy's living room. It's nice and warm inside and both mind and body can be winners.
Today the mind of Jeremy disagrees with its form eight years ago. Of course the mind of Jeremy at the age of twenty-one has more experience. It knows that too much video games zombifies the brain. Zombify means the numbing of brain, dulling of the senses, and one impulse--play more video games. The unwanted psychological state of addiction lodged itself in the mind of Jeremy at the age of thirteen. Luckily for the body of Jeremy at the age of thirteen, the only video game effect it had was lethargy and eyes fixated for electronic impulses coming from television screens.
Jeremy's mind became so zombified that he became hostile towards anyone else who wanted to play Nintendo. I'll give you two reasons for this hostility: 1) Jeremy's mind at the age of thirteen wanted thought it was consuming happiness from the Nintendo Entertainment System and would not let anyone share or take it away from it; 2) Jeremy's poor skill at video games would lead to embarrassment if he had to play against or with anybody. Because of the second reason, Super Mario Brothers 2 was the favorite game.
At the time Super Mario Brothers 2 became the favorite Nintendo game, its successor was the hottest thing in the video game market. Super Mario Brothers 3 intrigued the zombified mind of Jeremy because of its playing time. Jeremy's mind and the Nintendo programmers didn't agree upon the back-to-the-original schematics of keeping score and a hideous time limit. Also, stomping goombas doesn't seem as stylish as picking up enemies and throwing them at others. As an English major, I might add that the well-rounded heroes in Mario 2 had more complex and different skills than the heroes in Mario 3 who only differ in appearance.
[and now in first-person]
Nintendo's marketing technique squelched any poor boy's opportunity to quickly beat the game. To win the game efficiently, one needed to be a subscriber to Nintendo Power. One issue showed all the nooks and crannies of the game; a big advantage. Luckily the kid across the street let me borrow it after he tried the various ways of getting to and beating King Koopa. With Nintendo Power by my side, controller in my hands, and screen in my eyes, Super Mario Brothers 3 still eluded me. After a whole summer spent on the game, I never succeeded in getting past Boom-Boom's castle of the 8th level. My eyes were sore, my thumbs were numb, and my mind was zombified.
The following year, my parents became addicted to the Nintendo Entertainment System and Doctor Mario and Tetris became a part of our collection. I no longer impulsively played Nintendo then, but I gave into the colorful 8-bit shapes falling down the television screen about an hour a day. Any more than that and ended with dreams with colorful 8-bit shapes falling down. Anything that invades my dreams and has me strategically places sticks and squares instead of flying over the rolling hills of Ireland dodging dragons must be stopped. I quit Nintendo cold turkey and avoided all temptations even from my parents and my best friends.
[back to third-person]
Jeremy's mind still desired electronic impulses to stimulate his vision. Television provided no interaction and video games provided no productivity. The Christmas after quitting Nintendo cold turkey, the Slagoski family got a I.B.M. PS/1. Jeremy merged his desire for electronic visions with his writing skills and applied them to the I.B.M. As this essay is being written, Jeremy still stares at the computer screen watching the letters he pushes on the keyboard appear in front of him. It stimulates him to see the electronic paragraph exactly match his thoughts. The excitement even grows higher when the words on the screen print onto paper. Now his thoughts are in three forms: ethereal, electronic, and material. He is a bit crazy. I'm afraid that whoever reads this may absorb his though process. To relinquish Jeremy's mind please drink Pepsi or eat a Big Mac. Thank you for your care.
YOUR COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED
1. Did you enjoy your reading of this paper? yes no
2. Do agree with Jeremy's writing style? yes no
3. Will you read another of Jeremy's papers? yes no
4. Outside of class? yes no
5. Did you like how the class handled this? yes no
6. Did you like how the professor handled this? yes no
7. Should Jeremy explain this paper? yes no
8. Do you enjoy Pepsi products? yes no
9. Do you enjoy McDonald's? yes no
10. Do you enjoy home entertainment systems? yes no
Other comments:__________________________________________________
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