Hellow! I’m Henry Timble and I will tell you about the 99 easy steps to a simple, more satisfying life. Let’s follow these steps in numerical order, OK?
Step #1 – Get plenty of shut-eye.
Step #2 – Read to children daily. They don’t have to be York’s children.
Step #3 – Pick up a heavy stick and then lay it down gently on the back of an old woman.
Step #4 – Call yourself a “winner.”
Step #5 – Organize your socks and beans in the same chromatic order.
Step #6 – Return all your juicers, mixers, or blenders to their rightful owners.
Step #7 – Arrest a new hobby.
Step #8 – Don’t dawdle when you can smolder.
Step #9 – Collect hickory for later usage.
Step #10 – Address your authority more dignifyingly.
Step #11 – Praise those who actually should be praising you.
Step #12 – Remove fear from your dreams.
Step #13 – Tackle the newest magazine on the shelf.
Step #14 – Sip lemonade more gently.
Step #15 – Stop taking breathers when you could be encouraging smokers to quit.
Step #16 – Begin something you have never thought of before.
Step #17 – Categorize your local library willfully.
Step #18 – Salute not only your national flag, but also your local and state ones as well.
Step #19 – Think things through the tube.
Step #20 – Magnify monarch butterflies on to the white wall.
Step #21 – Roast beef.
Step #22 – Stay away from unwanted mushrooms.
Step #23 – Frighten dragons that stay in caves.
Step #24 – Quit your night-job to get more free time.
Step #25 – Zero in on the moments that are most remembered.
Step #26 – File lost paper.
Step #27 - ♥
Step #28 – Gather his lost millions.
Step #29 – Bundle a piece of wood into more.
Step #30 – Distribute hugs evenly.
Step #31 – Moisten the brink of destruction.
Step #32 – Soft-shoe shuffle your way into delight.
Step #33 – Stick stickers to sticks.
Step #34 – Loop laces around eyeholes.
Step #35 – Giggle humungously.
Step #36 – Bewitch whatever lies beneath you.
Step #37 – Grate high-grade cheese into a small bowl.
Step #38 – Garnish a primrose path.
Step #39 – Lasso in a few more cattle for the rodeo show.
Step #40 – Cringe when danger approaches.
Step #41 – Muffle the buffer.
Step #42 – Wring rags of excess bath water.
Step #43 – Place things straight and evenly for optical pleasure.
Step #44 – Ring around the rosy without pockets full of posies.
Step #45 – Hang chewed lemon gum from your bottom lip.
Step #46 – Ride around in a dune buggy.
Step #47 – Tell all the people that you are made to suit them.
Step #48 – Spill camouflage emptiness upon the stream of consciousness.
Step #49 – Weigh the ineptitudes of everyone’s spouse.
Step #50 – Just do it better.
Step #51 – Yank the noodle candy.
Step #52 – Climb the effervescent ladder of successful destiny.
Step #53 – Rake in thousands of leaves.
Step #54 – Hound a pound of brown bread.
Step #55 – Decorate a lot of trees with international smiles.
Step #56 – Fund a local charity for as long as you like.
Step #57 – Liquidate every furniture store in the city.
Step #58 – Nullify the statements previously uttered by yourself.
Step #59 – Pop a few more kernels of corn.
Step #60 – Circumscribe all authority that carry arms.
Step #61 – Vindicate all your mother’s uncles.
Step #62 – Stop looking at me.
Step #63 – Abolish a tax concerning general welfare of the public.
Step #64 – Thrash a bore until the lions roar.
Step #65 – Pop another wheelie to impress the neighborhood kiddies.
Step #66 – Never miss a beat.
Step #67 – Rhyme to a different drummer.
Step #68 – Hop into a brand new Cadillac.
Step #69 – Quote Copernicus in bed.
Step #70 – Sift out the bits of iron in your breakfast cereal.
Step #71 – Choose a ruse.
Step #72 – Shower your friends with gifts of a different color.
Step #73 – Cherish an item found in the gutter.
Step #74 – Repeat steps #8 to #12 in reverse order.
Step #75 – Vocalize your innermost thoughts to your outermost thoughts.
Step #76 – Pour water to the very top of the glass.
Step #77 – Shake a few candles loose from the candleholders.
Step #78 – Core an eaten apple.
Step #79 – Supplement your workspace with black pepper.
Step #80 – Rinse your ears to remove your fears of lost hearing.
Step #81 – Team up with some other people who just might help you.
Step #82 – Fling dust bunnies while they’re alive.
Step #83 – Sympathize with the corporations for once.
Step #84 – Renew your driver’s license early.
Step #85 – Touch a sprouting flower in the dew of morning.
Step #86 – Copy someone else’s copy and throw it away.
Step #87 – Pinch sheets.
Step #88 – Gargle rose water before joining a Christian sect.
Step #89 – Scratch your itches.
Step #90 – Collaborate with an Arabian musk ox.
Step #91 – Relish in the designers’ trash.
Step #92 – Locate any lost items you may have lost in your lifetime.
Step #93 – Adjust the color on your TV set again.
Step #94 – Step out of the shower so we can see how clean you are.
Step #95 – Poke a dot.
Step #96 – Shimmy yourself into a trance.
Step #97 – Drag your friends along.
Step #98 – Emasculate the mayor or her husband.
Step #99 – Buy another one just in case.
Are you still with the program? Those 99 steps weren’t as easy as I thought. What do you think?
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