Introduction

This blog is the online representative of my writing throughout the 1990s. Fortunately or unfortunately, I do not write like this anymore. I intended to publish the zaniest bits in a book entitled Utter Weirdness. There will be no such book written by the current me.


For a good portion of the nineties, I was socially awkward--weird. I guess the term "weird" is still somewhat of a compliment for teenagers. Instead of interacting with people awkwardly, I chose to compose weird pieces of writing. However, it's not the same writing as one would find in Weird Tales. Writing, college, and my first teaching job helped me overcome my sense of being weird. The transition was kind of like this: shy guy to immature prankster to goofy reactionary to apparently less weird.


After a lot of self-reflection and analysis, I believe I was actually quite normal. I was just behind in social development, and I believe I'm somewhat in the "normal" range. I can be weird if I want to be, but I'm not constantly in a state of weirdness like I thought I was for the last decade of the 20th Century.


So here it is, the utterly weird writing of Jeremy, 1990-2000. If you prefer not to read in this random order, use the labels to read by genre or time period (high school, college, first teaching job).

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Carbonman Strikes Again


By Roger Pencil
Carbondale Evening News


CARBONDALE - Another victim of the mysterious Carbonman was found lying dead under a rusty milk truck in the Carbondale Junkyard.  Edward Juchwik, 3434 Pelican Street, was pronounced dead when the police found his rotting carcass 8:37 PM last night.  The junkyard's single security camera caught a picture of "Carbonman's" shoe.  He wears a black Reebok, approximately size 10.5, on his left foot.
     Two days ago, Jennifer Butch, was found dead in the milk freezers of BUGGIN'S GROCERY, apparently killed by Carbonman.  Parts of Peter Shrunk were distributed in milk cartons in Carbondale's Unified School District.  Other victims were found near milk items.
     The Carbondale Police think that "Carbonman" might be a milkman, retired probably because Carbondale does not have milkmen anymore.  Another clue is that all the victims were found having a physical deformity on their big toe.
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